Jokes

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  • #205734
    Lawrence
    Keymaster

    Feel free to post your jokes here.

    #206208
    Lawrence
    Keymaster

    from Spooz2 today in real-time chat :-

    No English dictionary has been able to adequately explain the difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED.

    However, in a recent linguistic conference held in London, attended by some of the best linguists in the world, Samsundar Balgobin, a Guyanese, was the clear winner.

    His final challenge was this: Some say there is no difference
    between COMPLETE and FINISHED.

    Please explain the difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED in a way that is easy to understand.

    Here is his astute answer:

    β€œWhen you marry the right woman, you are COMPLETE. But, when you marry the wrong woman, you are FINISHED.

    And when the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are COMPLETELY FINISHED!”

    His answer was received with a standing ovation.

    #206239
    geosing
    Participant

    I was listening to a Dhamma talk by a Buddhist monk (Ajahn Brahm), when he cracked the following joke.
    What is the difference between a diplomat and a lady?
    If the diplomat says “yes”, he means “may be”. If he says ” may be”, he means “no”. If he says “no”, he is no diplomat. But … if the lady says “no”, she means “may be”. If she says “may be”, she means “yes”. If she says “yes”, she is no lady…

    πŸ™‚

    #206267
    geosing
    Participant

    Topical one as the Cypress crisis rages on. From Zerohedge threads by “flacon”

    A group of Keynesians had to measure the length of a flagpole for evidence to support a bailout. They went out to the flagpole with ladders and a tape measure. They proceed to fall off the ladders and drop the tape measure – the whole thing was just a mess.

    An Austrian comes along and sees what they’re trying to do. He walks over, pulls the flagpole out of the ground, lays it flat, measures it from end to end, gives the measurement to one of the Keynesians and walks away.

    After the Austrian has gone, one Keynesian turns to another and laughs. “Isn’t that just like an Austrian. We’re looking for the height, and he gives us the length.”

    πŸ˜€

    #206308
    Lawrence
    Keymaster

    “Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.”
    – Mark Twain

    #206320
    Lawrence
    Keymaster
    #206331
    melvyn
    Participant

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7zxpCkuiL0Y

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4y6qD_2SQrs

    :D:D:D

    Make sure when you trade you are not a f****** gambler !

    #206332
    melvyn
    Participant

    OOps intending to put this under jokes…. help !

    #206339
    Lawrence
    Keymaster

    A party of economists was climbing up the mountains. After several hours they became lost. One of them studied the map for some time, turning it up and down, sighting on distant landmarks, consulting his compass, and finally the sun.

    Finally he said, “See that big mountain over there?”

    “Yes”, answered the others eagerly.

    “Well, according to the map, we’re standing on top of it.”

    #206340
    Lawrence
    Keymaster

    #206341
    Lawrence
    Keymaster
    #206342
    Lawrence
    Keymaster
    #206343
    Lawrence
    Keymaster
    #206344
    Lawrence
    Keymaster
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